THE END IS NIGH!!! The Mayans have predicted: 2012 is the end! I just hope I can still get presents…
As you enjoy earth for the last day, we knew the one thing on your bucket list was getting a holiday update from FiveStars. Well, eat your last meal, bask in sunlit fields (before the sun explodes), and learn about what we’ve been up to here at FiveStars.
1.) Expanding across America
Ok, I know the rapidly approaching asteroid is going to make things difficult for future expansion, but check out what we’ve accomplished over the last few months.
We exist in 20 states: CA, WA, AZ, NM, TX, CO, MN, IL, MS, IN, MO, LA, GA, FL, MA, OH, SC, NC, VA, HI
If you live in one of those states, celebrate. Celebrate because you can get awesome rewards for being a great customer at your favorite local businesses(you can still do this even when the volcanoes begin).
Besides our stores, our user count (that’s you people) has almost tripled! So this means when the zombies come, they’ll probably all have FiveStars cards.
I wonder if buy ten brains get one free would work? Too morbid? OK, I’ll dial it down.
2.) Charity or something…
I guess this is a shout out to our awesome team, cause let me tell you, making a universal loyalty card is a huge hassle. You have to work long hours in the field, placate people who really don’t want to be placated, come home to code the software, and at the end of all that, buy a bunch of warm clothes for the next Ice Age. You’d think after that sleeping would be a huge priority.
But charity is cool too.
Our awesome team banded together with a local organization called Shelter Network here in the Bay Area to bring them some warm clothes and supplies for the winter (that may last the next three millennia). We’ve all been blessed with a once in a lifetime opportunity and I count myself lucky to work with people who want to share it with others!
And look how adorable they are as they raid Walmart!
Charity rocks. And if you want to rock too, be sure to donate to the charity network here: http://www.shelternetwork.org/donate/index.php. You may as well donate as much as you possibly can because after the nuclear apocalypse we’ll all be using bottle caps as currency anyway.
3.) The Gift of All Gifts: A BABY!!
The first FiveStars baby is in the HOUSE!
Our enterprise sales rep, Nathan, had the first baby to be born to a current FiveStars Employee. People have had kids before FiveStars. People will have kids after Fivestars. But who cares! Nathan was the first to have a kid DURING FiveStars and he deserves a medal.
To clarify, it was Nathan’s wife who had the baby by the way–this isn’t an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Though she doesn’t work for FiveStars (and hence is less cool), I still think she deserves an honorable mention here because she did play a small part in bringing this little bundle of pure FiveStars style into the world!
And no, I won’t make any apocalypse jokes while talking about a baby. That’s just plain bad. Shame on you for even thinking it.
Well, that pretty much wraps up the FiveStars Holiday / End of the World update. Do you feel good? I feel great! Again, thanks for listening, and supporting us by being loyal to the best local businesses across America. Without all the awesome support you’ve given FiveStars, I would not be able to write this blog. I’d probably be in a gutter somewhere… But that’s a topic for another time. (Hint: Don’t write blogs while sleep deprived–see update #2)
Though the unbearable heat of global warming will melt all the ice caps and we’ll all be stuck in the unspeakable horror of a jungle paradise apocalypse, have the best holiday season you’ve ever had and make sure your New Years is great too (though I wouldn’t spend too much time planning for it). What can I say? They told us not to pollute!